Effrain's Adventure Notes
by TheCosmicMoth
Summary: The warlock, Effrain Renier, is forced to relieve his adventures around the Moonsea.
1. Chapter 1

**Effrain's Adventure Notes Part One: If You're Talkin' About Shame, My Cup Runneth Over…**

The Warlock of Belphegor, Effrain Renier, sat alone at a table in The Devil's Fire Tavern slowly sinking into his chair as he felt his eyelids getting heavy. Suddenly, he was jolted back to attention by a slight bump into his right elbow. He looked down to see his full, ale tankard floating in space next to him. He'd forgotten that he sent his Unseen Servant, Aww-Kee, to refill his tankard for the… uhh… fifth time…? He clumsily reached down with his left hand to scoop up the mug with a flourish.

"Thanks, buddy," he muttered. Then he lifted the tankard to his mouth and took a big gulp, feeling some of the liquid as it started spilling down his chin.

"If you keep sending poor Aww-Kee to get you free refills, eventually the barkeep is going to notice."

This unexpected interruption startled Effrain causing him to nearly choke on his gulp of ale. He coughed some of it up onto the table as his arm reflexively slammed the tankard down. With the tankard out of his face, Effrain was able to see that The Crone was now sitting at the table directly across from him. He took his hand from the tankard and swiped the ale drool from his chin.

"Naaaah…" Effrain replied. "Guy's too busy hustlin' and making deals to care about what I'm doing."

"And just what are you doing, boy?" The Crone arched her eyebrow at him. "I believe I sent you to the Moonsea for a purpose, and, yet, here you are three sheets to the wind." At this, an uncomfortable grimace passed across Effrain's face and he gave a sidewise glance over his shoulder. "Don't worry. I'm hiding this little meeting from your dark master. In fact, you're the only one that can see and hear me. So, stop quivering in your booties, Effrain, and speak. What have you been doing?"

"I've been busy nearly dying this past month, so thanks for that," Effrain sneered at the old woman.

"And yet you live," the crone shot back and watched Effrain down the remains of his tankard. "And what a life it is…"

Effrain lifted the empty tankard, pulled it over to his right side, and dropped it, expecting Aww-Kee to catch it for his sixth refill. Instead, the tankard fell into empty space and landed on the Tavern floor with a loud _clank_. A group of halflings at the table nearest to Effrain glanced over at the sound. Effrain held his hand up at them sporting an embarrassed grin on his face. The halflings shook their heads at the drunk and returned to their business.

"It's been over an hour, dear," The Crone said leaning in. "You're either going to have to call it a night or do the ritual again."

Grumbling, Effrain fumbled for his component pouch and threw it on the table. From the pouch, he produced a piece of string and a bit of wood. He mumbled the words of the conjuration and signed the Abyssal symbols into the air. The string and wood then evaporated from the table. Effrain looked down to his right and said, "Aww-Kee," pointing to the tankard on the floor. The tankard then rose from the floor and started floating in the direction of the bar.

Impatient, The Crone said, "I haven't much time, boy, and I'm going to need you to think and remember- two tasks that could take all night- so focus. Tell me the things you have done here. Start with when you got to Phlan. Why did you decide to come to this city?"

"Well, it's like you and my mom always tell me: Follow the signs. I was traveling along the Moonsea like you told me to do, and I saw all these signs calling for help to fight the undead. I followed them."

"That's not meant to be taken so literally, dear, but this time you made the right call. What did you find when you came to the end of these signs?"

"Phlan, and, damn, is this place a dump. Gentrification really bugged out of here in a hurry, huh? But, the signs pointed me in the direction of Valhingen Graveyard which was surprisingly nice… for a cemetery, that is." Effrain retrieved his full tankard from the overworked, invisible Aww-Kee.

"And at Valhingen?"

"I met up with this group of adventurers: A stuck-up half-elf wizard, a dwarf barbarian, and this murderous, little halfling rogue. Together, we talked to the cemetery boss, Doomguide Glandon. He hired us to journey down into the catacombs and hunt the undead that he believed were down there. In exchange, he'd give us some gold and these babies," at that, Effrain reached up to his forehead and flicked the Goggles of Night that were resting there down over his eyes.

The Crone rolled hers, "Then I take it you were successful?"

"More or less. A cleric named Cassyt led us down there. The wizard and I zapped some zombies and skeletons while the halfling took shots with his crossbow and the dwarf took the hits. We got to see the weird ways that rich people position their bodies after death, a room where they used to chain up vampires, and we got to stop the halfling from looting tombs and frisking the unconscious cleric. All in all, a good time… up until we found the Red Wizard that was causing all the trouble and he blasted me with a spell that nearly killed me on the spot," he flashed her a nasty grin.

"Again, nearly."

"Would've been a sure thing if it wasn't for Belphegor's Dark Blessing. Allowed me to take the hit without being torn apart."

"And after that?"

"The cleric got me up, I saw the dwarf fighting a knight, I charged, threw fire at the knight, and then I got knocked unconscious again. I woke up a little later and my companions told me it was all over."

"What about the Red Wizard? What happened to him?"

"Souvabitch got away while I was almost dying. Teleported. Lucky for him, too. If I ever see him or any of his kind again- "

" _YOU LET HIM GET AWAY_?"

"Hey, again, I was _ALMOST DEAD_. I didn't _LET HIM_ do anything," Effrain finished the tankard and sent Aww-Kee off for another.

The Crone, sighing, "Did you at least figure out why he was raising the undead there?"

Effrain shrugged. "Apparently he was having the zombies dig a tunnel out toward the castle. Planning an attack, probably…?"

"What about the Cult of the Dragon? What did you learn about them in this misadventure?"

"Cult of the- no, it was a Red Wizard. _RED WIZARD_. You need to listen better."

The Crone visibly snuffed her anger at this. "And _YOU_ need to capture your enemies. Then a miracle might happen, and you may learn something and understand what I'm talking about. I have it on good authority that The Cult of the Dragon was behind your Red Wizard."

Again, Effrain shrugged, "And I'm telling you I saw neither hide nor hair…"

"Did you learn _ANYTHING_ else of value?"

"Oh, I did forget one thing. We caught some looters in the catacombs during our search. We locked 'em in a room and turned them into Glandon when we got back. They were not happy. Apparently, they were part of a group called The Welcomers. Need to steer clear of those guys in the future…"

Digging her palm into her forehead, the crone said, "Alright…what happened next?"

"Well, after almost dying, I felt like I needed a little getaway. Maybe scope out a nice beachside scene on the Moonsea. I pictured myself sipping Elverquisst poured by some svelte, elvish maiden as a soft breeze tickled my face. _INSTEAD_ , I met another group of adventurers who told me stories about farmers being kidnapped from a nearby town. Whole families were going missing without a trace. Can't exactly have that can we," Effrain cast his face down and shook his head. "So, I went with. There were six of us in all: A gnomish sailor, a gentleman rogue, two paladins, my new best friend-the tabaxi monk, and me. We stopped by The Crossing Inn to get more information. Apparently, there'd been the sound of drums coming from the nearby marsh every night that someone had been taken. We were about to investigate the marsh when this farmhand came tear-assing into the Inn to say that another family had gone missing, so we went to their farm."

"What did you find?"

"Eggs. We found eggs and the chickens that laid them. Not much else, so we rode a boat down the river, into the marsh, and toward the sound of drums." Effrain snatched up his latest refill and took a big swig. "Now, the marsh was lizardfolk territory and, sure enough, they jumped us. Like, they literally jumped us. Never saw 'em coming. They took me down fast, but the tabaxi jumped in and rescued me. I got back up and started blasting away. We took 'em out and kept on down the river. That trip took a while. We had a few more dust-ups but nothing major. Mostly I just sulked in the boat, drank this nasty elf wine with the tabaxi, and dreamed of beach living."

"Get to the end, Effrain."

"We got to this group of islands. Saw these wrecked-up tent settlements scattered everywhere. I noticed these black decorations put up all around them. Black decorations in the shape of a dragon."

At this The Crone perked up, "Ahhh, there we are. Go on."

"That's when we notice this hulking figure in the distance. Looked like a lizardfolk, but, well, bigger. The Aasimar Paladin shouted that we were here to help him in Draconic. No reply, though. The figure just bolted, so we traveled deeper into the island chain." Effrain finished his tankard and then looked at it for a second. It was almost as if he was trying to decide whether he wanted another or not. Then he just nodded to himself and handed the tankard back down to Aww-Kee. "Soon enough, we found what we were looking for. It was a big, old lizardfolk settlement. They were building up walls and everything. Deeper in were groups of warriors surrounding- you guessed it- cages full of farmers and their families. In the center were the drummers and their ensorcelled drums."

"What did you do?"

At this, Effrain gave a bitter laugh. "Well, you see, we got the notion in our heads that the drummers and their magic drums were what was causing the kidnappings. If we just killed the drummers, then maybe the rest of the lizardfolk would come to their senses. Seemed like a solid plan. So, that's what we did. As soon as we attacked the drummers, however, a third of the island came after us. We did still manage to kill the drummers, though."

The Crone gave a knowing smile. "And what happened after you killed the drummers?"

"Not a damn thing…not a damn thing. A third of the lizardfolk army continued to attack us."

"And how did you solve that?"

Effrain took a second to rub his eyes. "We killed them."

"All of them?"

"Almost all of the third that attacked us. We just killed and killed until they finally surrendered. …Belphegor drank deeply of their souls on that day."

"They just… gave up?"

"That hulking figure I told you about turned back up. He fought the lizardfolk and scared the trash out of them. They were lucky he was there, though, because they might have fought us to the last man. And that… would've been genocide. So… we were lucky too." It was then The Crone noticed that Effrain could no longer make eye contact, and she almost felt pity for the young warlock. Almost. "The big guy filled us in on why the lizardfolk were kidnapping farmers. I guess they had been subjugated by this black dragon named Throstulgrael- or Velvet, if you're nasty. This dragon was forcing the lizardfolk to compete to see which group could offer him the most human sacrifices as tribute. Neat game. Anyway, we freed the farmers and the big guy took over as the new chief of the lizardfolk. He promised no more kidnappings."

"The black dragon Throstulgrael, you said?"

"That's him." Effrain took another big gulp.

"Interesting… and your next adventure?"

At that, Effrain slammed his palms flat against the table causing a loud _thud_. "Nope, nope, nope, I'm done with this. No more trips down memory lane. I came here to relax after a long adventure, and that's exactly what I'm going to do while there's still some of this night to enjoy."

That's when the warlock noticed a good third of the tavern was now staring at him. He'd just said all of that rather loudly and, as far as they knew, he'd said it to an empty seat across from him at the table. In a nervous panic, his eyes scanned the room until they fell upon an attractive lady adventurer dancing to the music of the dragonborn fiddle player at the far end of the bar.

"There," he turned to The Crone. "There's dancing to be done, and I am just the man to do it." With that, he took off towards the dance floor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Effrain's Adventure Notes Part Two: The Promise of Life, The Ships That Sail**

Effrain bolted towards the dance floor like he was running from Asmodeus himself, and he only bumped into one chair… maybe two. The dancefloor held the promise of life and the promise of delaying that which he could not handle. It was now just a few steps ahead of him. There she was, the pretty adventurer, smiling and dancing like no one was watching. Full of the endless hope of life, of reckless abandon. If only he could just reach her.

 _Poof!_

In an instant, the beautiful woman was nowhere in sight. Instead, in front of him, was a boogying Crone. There the old woman was, shuffling her feet, bouncing her shoulders, and shaking her hips. It was just- well, actually, it was surprisingly good. For a woman of her age, she seemed spry.

"If you want to dance, Effrain, then dance," she said. "But, you are still going to speak of your adventures. What happened next?"

Effrain tried to keep up with The Crone, but, no matter what he did, his rhythm felt out of sync. "Well, I, uh… I went to drink at a place called The Helping Hand." Eventually, Effrain just settled for bobbling up and down on his knees. "Some adventurers and I were hired to go to a place called Thentia to help them deal with a blight." Effrain stopped dead in his tracks. "Actually, I kind of wandered off from that adventure. I should check on how that went."

"Well what did you actually do in Thentia?"

"Umm… it was me, an elf ranger, a Drow, a halfling cleric, and a halfling monk. We fought some bandits, saved a boy from a witch, and the monk killed a wizard."

The Crone stopped dancing, and then she shoved Effrain. "The Cult of the Dragon, boy! THE CULT OF THE DRAGON! Were they involved?"

Effrain brushed her hands away. "Chill out, grandma! I don't know. People said that there were kobolds in the area. They roll with kobolds, right?"

"But you didn't see them?"

"Like I said, I kind of wandered off. That happens when I drink sometimes. All I know was there was some kind of magic power building under Thentia, and everyone wanted a piece. So… maybe the Cult was there."

Then, looking around, Effrain noticed that he was drawing attention to himself, once again. This time, much more of it because he was standing in the middle of the dance floor and shouting into thin air. He turned to the rest of the bar, he gave them a nervous giggle, and then he took a deep bow. At that, there was a scattering of applause and many heads turning away out of embarrassment for the warlock. That would be enough to allow Effrain to make his escape. He started to walk at a brisk, but hopefully casual pace back to his table. As he got closer to it, however, he was greeted with the sight of the barkeep standing over a full ale tankard floating in midair. The barkeep did not look pleased.

 _Whoops! Time to mosey…_

Effrain slipped off to the left and out of the Tavern's main entrance. He dug his hands into his pockets as he walked, trying to look casual. He even started whistling a song by the famous, elven bard, Yystin Treebar. When he was clear of the tavern by about three or four blocks, he ducked into an alley. There, he leaned up against the wall, took out his component pouch, and started rolling a cigarette.

"You're just going to leave poor Aww-Kee to take the heat?" The crone was next to him.

"He'll disappear into the ether soon enough, and then I can just summon him again. Best bagman in the realms, that way." Effrain popped the cigarette into his mouth, flicked his fingers producing a flame, and began to smoke. "Let's finish this little visit of yours, shall we? You want to hear about the Cult of the Dragon? Fine. Let's talk about my last two adventures."

"Go on."

"When I came to from my post-Thentia bender, I found myself back in Phlan at The Laughing Goblin Inn. While I was there, a Black Fist came in with this wanted poster for a dude named Spernik. I wound up following a new group of adventurers to the Lord Sage's library, so we could inquire about the reward. This time I was with a tortle, a dwarf blacksmith, a dwarf soldier, a teen wizard, and a gnome warlock. We got to the library and learned a bunch of things. These two scribes, Tibeem and Spernik, were Cult of the Dragon. They got caught stealing books and replacing them with fakes missing important information."

"Like?" 

"Like stories about a red dragon, a cult of dragon worshipping druids, and a location in the Dragon Spine Mountains. Tibeem was caught and, ultimately, tortured to death by the Black Fists. Spernik got away. After some research and investigation- yes, I can do those things- we figured out where Spernik was headed and went after him. We killed some kobolds and found this huge temple underneath a druidic circle. Down there we fought some undead, fought some slime, and fought some more kobolds. Then we finally got ahold of Spernik. Dude wouldn't tell us a thing, though, so I let the soldier cut off his head."

"You _WHAT_?"

"Guy got under my skin. Anyway, we figured out he was trying to put together this pendant that would unlock this room. We took one piece off him. The other pieces were in these rooms that were- actually, they were pretty cool- but they were magically trapped. Two of them were easy. A mage hand here and imp there and we had two of the three pieces."

"And the third?" The Crone asked, smiling.

"The third had these arcing bolts of magic lightning that my pals tried to disrupt using metal objects." At this, Effrain produced a damaged, burnt flask from his hip. He opened it up and took a strong sip. "While this was happening, I ran out to the alter to retrieve the piece. Somehow, though, it failed to dawn on me that the copper floor would be a great conductor."

"Ouch. Yet, again, you lived."

"I did. We assembled the pendant, opened the final door, and there was a red dragon scale floating over a pool of lava. We moved the scale, awakened an undead druid with a flaming sword, there was more fighting, and long-story-short we were victorious."

"And what do you think Spernik was trying to do there?" The crone asked.

"If I were a betting man," Effrain said, pausing to take another sip from his flask, "I would say he was trying to summon an ancient red dragon."

The crone nodded gravely. "And now, tell me of the adventure you just returned from."

Effrain allowed his weight to give and he slunk down the side of the alley wall into a crouch. "Oh, man, why does it matter?"

"Just do as I ask boy, and I'll leave you to what passes as your peace."

"Fine. After the mountains, The Black Fist summoned me for a new gig. Ended up in a room with my old pal the tabaxi monk and a bunch of adventurers I'd never seen before. There was a halfling bard, an elf ranger, this killer of a half-orc barbarian, and a kobold sorcerer who collected teeth- funny, little guy. They wanted us to hunt down these pirates who had been working with, your boys, The Cult of the Dragon. First, we had to track down this halfling fence. That was a whole thing. I helped solve a magic puzzle by noticing a cup was empty- because of course I noticed that- and then I almost fell to my death on a floor of spikes. Whatever. We found her, and she told us where the Teshwave Siblings were."

"Ah, the legendary, pirate Teshwave Siblings. I'm surprised you aren't dead."

"Ha. Ha. More stuff happened. I lost a good flask so a crazy man could steal us a boat, we rescued a mermaid, and got to fight some fishmen. Then we found the Teshwave Siblings, and we killed them."

" _You_ killed them?"

"Well, technically, the group killed them. I spent most of the fight getting knocked off the boat and swimming in the sea, but, hey, being a target is like helping. The point is, there you have it. That was the last adventure I went on. When I got back on land, I went straight back to the tavern where I would've been enjoying myself. Yet, here we are."

"Yes," The Crone said, lowering herself to his level, "here we are. The Cult of the Dragon is here in Phlan as well, and they are planning something. All these adventures you've been on, all these problems you helped solve, can all be linked back to them. They are planning something, boy. They are planning something grave. What do you think that could be?" The witch stared hard.

"How should I know? I'm just a drunk."

She slapped him hard across the back. "Not good enough. What is the cult's ultimate goal?"

"To revive Tiamat."

"Why?"

"Probably because Tiamat's a beast- god and would conquer the world and they have this weird dragon fetish where they want dragons and dracoliches to be in charge of everything and- "

"Yes?"

"And that would include Phlan."

"So?"

"So, the Cult of the Dragon is trying to bring a dragon to conquer Phlan. If they get Phlan then t wouldn't be a huge leap to grab the rest of the Moonsea. That would greatly increase their chances of awakening Tiamat and sending the world into a dark era of dragon cruelty. Damn… I really wish you hadn't shown up tonight."

The Crone stood up and turned away from him to leave. Effrain bolted up and went after her.

"Well, am I right? Are they going to bring a dragon? I didn't sign up to fight a dragon! _ANSWER ME_!"

The crone turned to him and touched his cheek. He felt a warmth tickle his face as a small bit of her magic entered him. "There, that's all I can spare. It's time for you to make good, boy. It's time for you to be of some use to the world. Or, was that night you came blubbering to me about redemption all just noise?" She smiled at him. "One last thing: Don't sleep here. Have some self-respect, Effrain." With that she turned her back. Then, she was gone.

A dragon. He would have to fight a dragon. Effrain fought against the feeling of dread that was building in his stomach and flowing out to his shoulders. At the end of the day, Effrain really did not want to die. He knew where he was going after death. That was not a mystery. It was not a nice place and it would be forever.

 _Well, buddy_ , he said to himself, _that ship kind of sailed a long time ago. It's been truly over for a while now. Maybe it's time to just let it end._

With that he settled back down to sleep against the alley wall. It would be morning soon, so who knows how long he would get to rest before somebody bothered him. He wondered if he would miss being annoyed by things like that. Then he fell asleep.


End file.
